That
sound you hear is not your brain cells slowly shriveling, nor is it your
soul dying just a little bit. No, it is merely the return of Jersey
Shore.
Not
that the second season of Jersey Shore actually takes place in New
Jersey. This time out your JS posse is flown down to
a McMansion in beautiful Miami Beach (I suppose
MTV thought it would confuse its stars if they were to rename the series to
a more geographically appropriate title like Florida Shore.). These
kids go to Miami to prove yet again MTV’s prime programming directive: that
no one is too drunk or too stupid to become briefly famous in this
media-saturated world.
Of
course, all too often that means that people become famous simply for being
drunk and stupid.
Welcome to the world of reality TV, where Paris and Kim are goddesses and
deep thought is not merely frowned upon but is actually an alien concept.
And
our group of Jerseyites, wearing absurd nicknames and not much else, are
pros at drunk and stupid. Snooki, The Situation, Pauly D, Vinny, Sammi,
Ronni, Angelina and J-WOWW are awe-inspiring in their supreme abilities to
pound shots and pound each other and also for their complete inability to
form a coherent sentence.
I grew up going to the Jersey shore every summer
and I know the type well – a bunch of drunken hardbody goofballs
whose greatest aspiration is to being meatheads or skanks. They play
musical beds, vomit entirely too much and rarely make a statement which
does not include a curse word. (And, by the way, the “Uncensored” in
the DVD title means that all that cursing is not bleeped out as it was
on MTV - but the nudity is still blurred and covered up, so it is at least partially
censored.)
But, don’t worry. Censored or not, it is still Jersey Shore,
which means that you’ll get more than your fill of huge hair, tiny
bathing suits, goofy accents, dry heaving and dry humping.
You
just won’t get to see Snooki’s cookie, the Situation’s muscle or J-WOWW’s
va-J-WOWW. And, honestly, that’s not all that big of a loss.
If
you really need to see that, just wait for the inevitable Playboy
pictorials in two or three years when the rest of the world is trying
desperately to forget this show ever happened.
So what do you get with Jersey Shore – Season Two Sorta-censored?
Drinking – on camera. Fucking – off camera. Cheating – everywhere.
Bitch-slapping – on camera. Stomach pumping – off camera. Crying,
moaning, bitching, fighting, flirting, teasing, partying, and more “How
you doin’?”s and “fuggedaboudit”s than a road company
mash-up of Friends and The
Sopranos.
At least, I think that is what happened, because if there was even one
articulate statement uttered in the entire season’s worth of episodes, I
can’t recall it.
But, that’s okay, because nothing that any of them have ever said really
matters even a whit in the real world – or even on The Real World, a
former MTV series which suddenly feels scholarly and
positively incisive on the human
condition by comparison.
Jersey
Shore is just
a celebration of all that is shallow – of getting buff, getting laid and
getting shitfaced – starring a group of losers who don’t care about
each other or themselves. So why should we?
Once upon a time, it was considered to be a failing to become famous
without any particular talent or reason. However, Jersey Shore
is a proud celebration of debauchery and mediocrity.
Enjoy your fifteen minutes, guys. You’re going to be boring people
trying to relive these days for the rest of your pathetic lives – long
after we all have forgotten who you are or why we would possibly have
ever cared.
Jay S. Jacobs
Copyright ©2010 PopEntertainment.com.
All rights reserved. Posted:
December 27, 2010.
