Hard Breakers
Back
in the 1980s, during the original heyday of the teen sex comedy, the genre
movies essentially came on three levels.
There was the rarified top rank, movies that may have been a bit
exploitative, but they also were fine examples of filmmaking – for example
Risky Business, Sixteen Candles, Fast Times at Ridgemont High or
The Sure Thing.
Then
there was the second level – mostly cheesy and poorly made, but with some
pretenses of mass appeal, things like Porky’s, My Tutor, Private School
and Class.
The
third level was pretty much impossible to critique because they had no
pretentions to being anything other that being junk food. They married
cheesy storylines and gratuitous nudity with supporting
roles played by slumming b-celebs. This
grouping included the likes of Hardbodies, Hot Moves, Spring Break,
Screwballs, H.O.T.S. and hundreds of other low-level titles which
populated the last slot in drive-in triple features and after-midnight
screenings in the early years of HBO.
If
Hard Breakers had been made back then, it would have definitely been
in the third camp.
It
does have one semi-intriguing and unique aspect – it is trying to prove that
women can be as stupid and sex-crazed as the guys.
Of
course, the film takes it to its most elemental level – two gorgeous beach
bunnies, Lindsay (Cameron Richardson from Alvin and the Chipmunks)
and Alexis (Sophie Monk of Click) tire of meeting guys through bars
and parties and stuff. They decide that they just want to find guys to
sleep with without all the drama, and the best way of doing that is to
borrow the caveman method of literally hitting the guys on the head and
dragging them home.
This
idea – beyond being sorta ridiculous – has the built-in problem that either
one of these women could get laid any night they wanted by just about any
man they wanted, and do it without committing felony assault.
The
lead actresses are extremely likable in their roles, but they are somewhat
let down by the aggressive stupidity of the script. Even if that goofiness
was the intended effect for the film – and I do believe it was – it’s a hard
tone to pull off and Hard Breakers skids off the road too often.
Unfortunately, the people around them are not so likable. The guys that
they bonk and then boink tend to be smug assholes and their friends and
co-workers and exes are either crazy or jerks.
We
also have a few slumming b-celebs here, as required by the style of film.
Tom Arnold (who actually can be a very good actor) phones in his performance
as Lindsay’s horny dad who has started dating a girl his daughter’s age.
Former Saturday Night Live comic Chris Kattan munches the scenery as
a slimy filmmaker. Also, Tia Carrere (best known as Wayne’s hot Asian
rock star girlfriend in the Wayne’s World movies) gives
her all in a kind of silly role of a commando of the heart who teaches the
girls in the ways of (literally) bagging guys. At
least she looks fetching in
a pink camo outfit.
The
filmmakers did pull their punches on the gratuitous nudity part – there is
just one pair of breasts on display in the whole movie, and that was in a
scene which was shoehorned into the plot, featuring a character that was a
glorified extra.
It’s
all incredibly silly and very, very stupid, and yet thanks to the fine, game
work of the lead actresses and the ironically somewhat sweet nature of the
script, it is kind of hard to dislike Hard Breakers. It is like the
movies which inspired it, completely impossible to critique because it has
no pretentions to art at all. If you are looking for fine art, look
somewhere else. However, with Hard Breakers’ much more modest aim,
you can do worse if looking for some shut-off-your-mind light
entertainment.
Ken Sharp
Copyright ©2011 PopEntertainment.com.
All rights reserved. Posted: May 20, 2011.
