G-Force
Superspy guinea pigs.
It doesn’t get much more high concept than that.
In fairness, it is not just guinea pigs – though with four of the little
fellers, they definitely form the majority here. There is also a mole, a
hamster/ferret hybrid, some mice, a fly and a cockroach.
Even more, star acting talent including Nicolas Cage, Penelope Cruz, Sam
Rockwell, Jon Favreau, Tracy Morgan and Steve Buscemi voice these teeny-tiny
fighting heroes.
Welcome to the brave new espionage world of über-producer Jerry
Bruckheimer.
If you ever wondered what a Disney version of a Michael Bay movie would look
like, this is probably as good of an estimation as you will get anytime
soon.
If you ever wondered why someone would even consider such an idea, it’s all
about the Benjamins.
The G-Force is locked and loaded to get your kids’ money – and by extension
yours, because let’s face it, the children are not going to actually pay
when they beg for a G-Force cuddly toy.
Okay, in fairness, G-Force is not the first film to be created with a
specific eye towards marketing. This can even be understandable – everyone
wants money – as long as the creators of the film take the time to actually
create a reasonable story to sell the plush toys and little mini guinea pig
artillery.
No great surprise, this is where G-Force – like so many movies
created with the eye on the almighty dollar – comes up way short.
However, if you found Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen to be a
little bit too complex, mature and intellectual for your
taste, then G-Force may
just be your movie.
The story – what little of a story there is – goes like this: Brilliant
scientist creates a super spy force made up of talking small animals and
bugs. He sends them to infiltrate the evil lair of the world’s largest
appliance manufacturer, whom he suspects has something more sinister on his
agenda than a self-cleaning cappuccino machine. The government breaks up
the compact commandos, most of whom end up trapped
in a pet store owned by Niecy Nash, that really annoying commentator on that
totally sleazy infotainment puff series The
Insider.
The three guinea pigs decide to break out – partially to save the world and
partially just to get away before Niecy starts rambling on and on about John
and Kate, Tiger Woods, Carrie Prejean, Balloon Boy, The Cat Woman
and Michael Jackson. Once free, they return to their scientist
bosses, eventually stumble upon a nefarious plot to take over the world by
creating a race of homicidal small appliances.
Of course, while watching all the silliness, the audience can’t help but
wonder one thing:
Who would
squander talent by hiring such funny actors as Zach Galifianakis, Will Arnett and Bill Nighy and make them all dull straight men
to talking rodents and killer espresso machines?
Well, apparently the answer to that is Jerry
Bruckheimer.
Then again, there is a more important question that is brought to mind by
G-Force. Why would any sane adult ever bother to sit through it unless
they were absolutely forced to by small children?
For that question, I can not think of a single possible answer.
Dave Strohler
Copyright ©2009 PopEntertainment.com.
All rights reserved. Posted: December 15, 2009.
