Blonde and Blonder
There are tens of thousands of struggling
screenwriters in the world most of whom can not get a sniff of a money person willing
to finance the scripts that the writers spent many tortuous hours bringing
to life.
So how is it possible that
a completely amateurish movie like Blonde and
Blonder was ever made?
Could it be that the film was co-written
by one Gerry Anderson brother of star Pamela Anderson?
Hmmm...
Of course
saying this film is actually written is stretching it a bit. Remember
10-20 years ago when blonde jokes were the rage for all of a few months?
Well, Blonde and Blonder is a whole series of blonde jokes sewn
together to feature length.
To give you
an idea of the subtle humor of Blonde and Blonder, the main
characters' names are Dee Twiddle and Dawn St. Dom. Huh??? Also,
they actually literally film one of the most ridiculous blonde jokes of many
years ago a blonde woman getting fired from a secretarial job because she
used white out on a computer monitor.
Of course,
Gerry isn't the only desperate-looking Anderson coming out of Blonde and
Blonder. Pam may have needed to make this vanity piece, too,
because, (and I know this is not nice to say...) for a woman who has made a
living from her sexiness, Pammy is looking awfully haggard here.
There's nothing sadder than a woman in her 40s who still thinks she is as
beautiful as she was 20 years before. In Hollywood, where there are
always newer, younger, better-looking dumb blondes everywhere you look, if
Pammy doesn't spend her own money to make this sad little movie, maybe
she'll end up oh, I don't know, working as a magician's assistant in Las
Vegas and getting married and divorced regularly to keep her name in the
gossip rags...
Also known
now for her divorce and gossip is Denise Richards who at least still
looks the part for the most part. She has fun with the dumb laughs,
but this movie is also undoubtedly a desperate last act in her career.
(Next stop no kidding, it's already in the works is a reality TV
series.)
The only person who makes it out sorta-unscathed
is Emmanuelle Vaugier as a sexy contract killer called the Cat. Not that what she is given to say
and do is any
better than any of the others, but she actually has some acting talent.
However between this and her simultaneous straight-to-video release of
Bachelor Party 2, I'm afraid that her career high point is always going to be
playing the woman that Charlie Sheen almost married on Two and a Half
Men. (Vaugier has now recently worked with both Sheen and bitter
ex-wife Richards oh, to have been a fly on the wall when that was
discussed on the Blonde and Blonder set...) And, also, frankly,
despite her lack of blondeness, Vaugier is much more attractive than her
co-stars.
The rest of
the cast is awe-inspiring in its inability to act. If
you think Pam and her brother are the nepotism low
point, check out Chris Farley's two even-less-talented brothers giving
weak ad-libs and riffs as a pair of bickering low-level wise guys who
somehow get assigned to this supposedly vital life and death case. How
did they get this job? Other than the fact that they have a slightly
famous last name and one of them resembles their late brother, they bring
nothing but pain to the table. It
will make you nostalgic for the sweet comic nature of Beverly Hills
Ninja and Black Sheep.
Even in
it's own little sleazy exploitative way, Blonde and Blonder comes up
lame. I mean, come on, you have two stars who are most famous
for their nudity Anderson in Playboy and Richards (who has also
appeared in that mag) for her steamy scenes in Wild Things who was
the bright bulb who decided to make sure this movie was PG-13? After
all, Pam is a little long in the tooth (and Denise, who is still more
attractive, is getting there) to really be a draw for the under-seventeen
crowd... so why not throw in a little gratuitous nudity? It would have
been the only marginally entertaining part in this otherwise staggeringly
inept film.
Dave Strohler
Copyright ©2008 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved.
Posted: February 29, 2008.
